Understanding Traditions is Important

Jewish traditions are different than Christian ones and it helps to understand them if the grieving family is Jewish.

Jewish funerals are heavily focused on traditions and rituals, and usually center on the immediate family members of the deceased.

Jewish mourning includes burial within 24 hours of the person’s death if posible with no embalming and a plain casket. It is common for Jewish people to be buried instead of cremated, as traditional Jewish law defines cremation as desecration of the body.

There is a structured post-funeral support tradition called Shiva which lasts for seven days.  The period of mourning lasts for a year after the person’s death.It focuses on the deceased’s return to earth.

Christian traditions vary but often embalm the body for a delayed funeral with viewing and services focused on the afterlife in heaven and prayers.

In many traditions, it is customary to send flowers to a funeral home or directly to immediate family members of the deceased. In the Jewish tradition,  this is generally discouraged.

The Jewish faith has a strong tradition of treating everyone as equals in death. That’s why it’s unusual to see ornate coffins and other expensive items as part of a funeral or burial service. There’s a perception that flowers at a funeral or grave would lead to wealthy people being treated better than poor people.

In Judaism, when a person dies, certain family members will sit shiva, the first period of mourning. Shiva means “seven,” so those who sit shiva will do so for seven days. This is typically the time when most friends and others will want to express condolences or sympathy.

As a general rule, visitors typically refrain from initiating conversation when calling at a home where shiva is being observed. Instead, you should focus on listening and providing support.

It’s not a time for small talk, either—your conversation should ideally be focused on the person who has died. Your stay at the shiva should be brief—less than an hour—as it’s an exhausting process for the people sitting shiva.

When you leave, keep your words concise and simple. A traditional sentiment often expressed at this time is “May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

One of the most frequent ways to express condolences and sympathy after the death of a person of the Jewish faith is to send a shiva basket, tray or meal.

During the shiva, mourners will typically not leave the house and usually need food items to provide sustenance. So-called “shiva baskets” customarily contain food items, including fruit, nuts, baked goods and desserts and even chocolates.

The shiva baskets may take the form of planned meals, or may include trays of meats, fish and other foods. It’s also not uncommon for friends and family of the mourners to have a meal catered in to the shiva house.

Other acceptable ways to express your condolences include planting a tree in Israel in the name of the deceased, A sympathy card with a short handwritten message, or making a donation to either a synagogue or a charitable organization that the deceased was involved with.

Both religions see the funeral as a crucial step in acknowledging death and supporting the bereaved, though their methods and philosophies differ greatly. 

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